My heart is full of uncertainties, fear and regret now.
I am looking at the clock tickling, heart is far away at home.
The man whom I once very loved, very respect is about to be in the operation room.
I may or may not see him again.
What if I never see get to see him again?
I am scared, first time of my life, my heart is shivering in fear.
I afraid that I will loose him forever, I mean, forever.
You gave me my whole life, to share Your love to him.
And why did I wasted the time of my life.
Savior please, take his hands for me.
Give me one more chance, just one more,
And I will not,
I will not turn away from anyone anymore.
Dear Lord, please save my him like how you saved me with love.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Never once
Is 6:25 am now. It has been a very long time since the last time I am able to be wide awake at this time of the day. I wanted to wake up early to study for a test which I am extremely nervous about but a letter on the table which I believe was picked up by my room mate last night when I was asleep ruined my study mood.
The letter is a prayer that I prayed so many days but it is not the answer I was asking for. I did not know what to do. I am exhausted. I came back to my room, try to pick up my textbook to study but I could not focus. So, I picked up my Bible. I need to talk to my Father.
Have you ever feel the things that hurt you when you know there's a Father in Heaven who loves you? Even though the things that I am going through now is nothing compare to all the hurts out there in the world, sometime I wonder, where is He?
Here I am, hurting, lost, early in this morning, desperate to hear from Him. Today's devotion was on 1 Timothy 2, is about our prayer and His promise that if anyone come to Him, they will be saved. Jesus died for everyone of us that day, including me. I already have the best answer of prayers I can ever ask for, and now as ironic as it can be, I am stumbling over some problems in life which seems so small when compare to that glorious day, when there's no more tears, no more hurt.
We all know where we are going, but sometime you just do not know when and how are you gonna get there. Maybe there are things you cannot see, but all the things that happening now is to bring a better ending, some day somehow. You will see. So, sometime, we just have to say a prayer, and hold on to it. I believe, God has a purpose in everything, and He makes everything beautiful in His time.
Never once, did we ever walk alone. In every steps, we are breathing in His grace. God is faithful.
Love,
Joey
The letter is a prayer that I prayed so many days but it is not the answer I was asking for. I did not know what to do. I am exhausted. I came back to my room, try to pick up my textbook to study but I could not focus. So, I picked up my Bible. I need to talk to my Father.
Have you ever feel the things that hurt you when you know there's a Father in Heaven who loves you? Even though the things that I am going through now is nothing compare to all the hurts out there in the world, sometime I wonder, where is He?
Here I am, hurting, lost, early in this morning, desperate to hear from Him. Today's devotion was on 1 Timothy 2, is about our prayer and His promise that if anyone come to Him, they will be saved. Jesus died for everyone of us that day, including me. I already have the best answer of prayers I can ever ask for, and now as ironic as it can be, I am stumbling over some problems in life which seems so small when compare to that glorious day, when there's no more tears, no more hurt.
We all know where we are going, but sometime you just do not know when and how are you gonna get there. Maybe there are things you cannot see, but all the things that happening now is to bring a better ending, some day somehow. You will see. So, sometime, we just have to say a prayer, and hold on to it. I believe, God has a purpose in everything, and He makes everything beautiful in His time.
Never once, did we ever walk alone. In every steps, we are breathing in His grace. God is faithful.
Love,
Joey
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Nella mia preghiera, Quanta fede c'è
Fall is near. Time in USA goes through very fast....
I remember I used to think, why did I get myself in so much trouble of being here. Why will I choose to come here to the States for nursing, when I got offered full scholarships back home and even a job right after I graduate...Plus, nursing in Liberty University is hard. Legit. HARD.
But, I am glad, that I follow what I felt right in my heart. Turned down the scholarships, went back home, work for 8 months, pray hard, and waiting for God to answer my prayers. And He did. Some how, I was able to go to Liberty despite of all the financial problem. Scholarships were provided, as well as a decent paid part time job. God has been faithful.
Nursing course here is hard but I am thankful to be here, a university which honor our Savior. I got to learn beyond what nursing courses can offer, a heart purely to serve our God. Each day I walked into class room, I learned more and more about giving and serving. Jesus shapes my heart to be more like His, every day.
I am very grateful that I did not stay in my comfort zone. I am very thankful that God is with me in my every day challenges and craziness. He has been very faithful through this journey, and I can always find a place to rest, under His wings.
God is faithful to me, and to you too! Hope that you are walking with Jesus today and you feel the joy too!
Love,
Joey
I remember I used to think, why did I get myself in so much trouble of being here. Why will I choose to come here to the States for nursing, when I got offered full scholarships back home and even a job right after I graduate...Plus, nursing in Liberty University is hard. Legit. HARD.
But, I am glad, that I follow what I felt right in my heart. Turned down the scholarships, went back home, work for 8 months, pray hard, and waiting for God to answer my prayers. And He did. Some how, I was able to go to Liberty despite of all the financial problem. Scholarships were provided, as well as a decent paid part time job. God has been faithful.
Nursing course here is hard but I am thankful to be here, a university which honor our Savior. I got to learn beyond what nursing courses can offer, a heart purely to serve our God. Each day I walked into class room, I learned more and more about giving and serving. Jesus shapes my heart to be more like His, every day.
I am very grateful that I did not stay in my comfort zone. I am very thankful that God is with me in my every day challenges and craziness. He has been very faithful through this journey, and I can always find a place to rest, under His wings.
God is faithful to me, and to you too! Hope that you are walking with Jesus today and you feel the joy too!
Love,
Joey
Sunday, July 24, 2011
住在神里面
好久没有到这里来了。每次学校放假，我总是也让我的心放假，不想管身边的人，事，和物，只想闭上眼睛，睡觉。可是也因为这样，我渐渐在不知觉的情况下，把我的心关闭了。
前天，我又去了医院帮忙。我很不想去，因为最近美国的天气很热，还热过马来西亚，我快受不了了，还要走路，乘搭巴士。。。可是，因为不好意识请假，所以还是硬着头皮去了。。。
我负责的病房大多数都是老人，我的工作只是倒水啊，扶他们上厕所，喂他们吃饭等等。。空荡的时间很多，其实很闷的。很多老人看起来很孤单，他们总是望着窗外或门外，希望他们的爱人，亲人能出现。我想跟他们讲话解闷，可是他们说话含糊不清，如果他们说的是中文，我都可能听不清，更何况是英文。
所以，每当我听不懂他们说什么，我终会握着他们的手，对着他们笑，希望他们能感觉到一些温暖。我总希望能帮他们多做些什么，可是就不知道能做些什么。
一直到我遇到了一位名叫Laureen 的老女人。我那天负责喂她病床旁边的婆婆吃饭，他们两个都不认识对方，可是很快就打成一片。他们两位心脏有问题，刚动了手术，所以身体非常虚弱。当婆婆吃饱睡了后，Laureen开始呼吸很困难，想喝水，所以我赶快弄了些冰水给他，然后坐下来和他聊天。他开始和我聊他一生的故事。她原本有个很美好的家庭，她丈夫喜欢小孩，所以他们有很多儿子和女儿。可是，他有个小女儿在小时候车祸死了，另外一个儿子也在小时候死了，过不久丈夫也死了。。把孩子都留给他一个人带大。她说她年轻时一天打3个工，未料能让孩子读书，可是最近大儿子因脑瘤去世了。然后他说了一句话，让我的眼泪流了下来。“God really do torn my heart”。
我想立刻告诉她，神知道你的痛也会医治你，我还没来得及说，她紧接着就告诉我，"but I have faith, that He will bring me through". 我在心里面大大的AMEN！我们开始聊更多身在我们生命所行的神迹，也知道神会与我们度过生命一切的难关:)
在Laureen身上我学会了宝贵的一课。无论生活有多困难，无论生活让我们流尽了眼泪，神甚至还让Laureen的心真正的破碎，只要我们专心仰赖耶稣，住在神里面，耐心等候神，我们就能得到安息，如鹰展翅上腾:)
刚刚在一位很爱神的朋友的脸书听到这首歌让我有深深的感动，在这与你们分享。
我知道我可以为他们做什么了，不是每个病人都和Laureen一样认识耶稣，所以我可以传福音，让他们能更积极面对生命的挑战，也得到安息。我也能为他们祷告，但愿有一天能在天堂看到他们的笑脸 :)
前天，我又去了医院帮忙。我很不想去，因为最近美国的天气很热，还热过马来西亚，我快受不了了，还要走路，乘搭巴士。。。可是，因为不好意识请假，所以还是硬着头皮去了。。。
我负责的病房大多数都是老人，我的工作只是倒水啊，扶他们上厕所，喂他们吃饭等等。。空荡的时间很多，其实很闷的。很多老人看起来很孤单，他们总是望着窗外或门外，希望他们的爱人，亲人能出现。我想跟他们讲话解闷，可是他们说话含糊不清，如果他们说的是中文，我都可能听不清，更何况是英文。
所以，每当我听不懂他们说什么，我终会握着他们的手，对着他们笑，希望他们能感觉到一些温暖。我总希望能帮他们多做些什么，可是就不知道能做些什么。
一直到我遇到了一位名叫Laureen 的老女人。我那天负责喂她病床旁边的婆婆吃饭，他们两个都不认识对方，可是很快就打成一片。他们两位心脏有问题，刚动了手术，所以身体非常虚弱。当婆婆吃饱睡了后，Laureen开始呼吸很困难，想喝水，所以我赶快弄了些冰水给他，然后坐下来和他聊天。他开始和我聊他一生的故事。她原本有个很美好的家庭，她丈夫喜欢小孩，所以他们有很多儿子和女儿。可是，他有个小女儿在小时候车祸死了，另外一个儿子也在小时候死了，过不久丈夫也死了。。把孩子都留给他一个人带大。她说她年轻时一天打3个工，未料能让孩子读书，可是最近大儿子因脑瘤去世了。然后他说了一句话，让我的眼泪流了下来。“God really do torn my heart”。
我想立刻告诉她，神知道你的痛也会医治你，我还没来得及说，她紧接着就告诉我，"but I have faith, that He will bring me through". 我在心里面大大的AMEN！我们开始聊更多身在我们生命所行的神迹，也知道神会与我们度过生命一切的难关:)
在Laureen身上我学会了宝贵的一课。无论生活有多困难，无论生活让我们流尽了眼泪，神甚至还让Laureen的心真正的破碎，只要我们专心仰赖耶稣，住在神里面，耐心等候神，我们就能得到安息，如鹰展翅上腾:)
刚刚在一位很爱神的朋友的脸书听到这首歌让我有深深的感动，在这与你们分享。
我知道我可以为他们做什么了，不是每个病人都和Laureen一样认识耶稣，所以我可以传福音，让他们能更积极面对生命的挑战，也得到安息。我也能为他们祷告，但愿有一天能在天堂看到他们的笑脸 :)
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Chosen But Free
In the book Chosen But Free- A Balanced View of God’s Sovereignty and Free Will,
Norman Geisler answered the questions a lot of people asked which are the
dilemma of whether God alone decide who will be saved and who will not, and
also does God give us the freedom to choose.
I like the fact that Geisler presented his views in a moderate and
sensible way rather than focus on one strong perspective against another. He
also made a lot of arguments based on the scriptures from the Holy Bible which
as a result made his arguments sound and strong.
I like how Geisler started off in
the first chapter of the book by pointed out the extreme sovereignty view and
the extreme free will view and then tried to balance both views out. Some of
the points which were made from the both extreme views did sounded wrong.
However, I agree with the points which were made by Geisler in his balance
view.
Upon debating between sovereignty view
and free will view, in chapter 3, Geisler pointed out God’s characteristics
based on scriptures. I like that Geisler acknowledged that God is before all
things, created all things, uphold all things, above all things, can do all
things and will accomplish all things. He also showed the scriptures which
proved that God is in control in all things too. However, Geisler also shared
that God gives human free will. He pointed out that God gives free will to
Angels (2 Peter 2:4), free will to human before the fall when Adam and Eve were
given the choice to obey God for not to eat the forbidden fruit, free will
after the fall, and also free will for the fallen descendents of Adam (Roman
6:23).
After that, Geisler pointed out the
foundation beliefs of both extreme sovereignty view and extreme free will view.
He also discussed the negative consequences from both views when they were
brought to an extreme part. The part which stood out for me in Chosen But Free is when Geisler
discussed about is John Calvin a Calvinist. John Calvin himself believes that
Jesus Christ died for the sins of everyone in the world which is against the
belief of extreme Calvinism. Furthermore, I love the way Geisler summarized
both moderate and extreme ways to understand the five point of T.U.L.I.P which
often are used to define Calvinism in a table (294). It helps me understand better
on the views of Calvinism.
In conclusion, I love this book, Chosen But Free. I will definitely
introduce this book to my friends since it is not just simply an opinion from
the author, Norman Geisler, but also great points and arguments made by him
based on solid scriptures from the Holy Bible. This book truly showed the
arguments and points from both Calvinism’s view and Armenian’s view which are
not bias but formed from solid word of God.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
十字架上
昨天，我和几位很棒的马来西亚朋友庆祝耶稣复活的纪念日。每到这个时候，我心里的感触就会很大，想起耶稣为我的罪钉死在十字架上，心里非常难过。可是，三天后，就像耶稣答应我们的，耶稣战胜了死亡，复活了。
昨天去了教会后，我们几个去了旁边一个小教堂。里面有个很大的十字架，旁边有个桌子，上面有几张纸和笔。 那里挂着一个便条，上面写着，耶稣把你的负担钉在十字架上了。我拿起笔，把我这一生的负担都写在纸上。 过后，我就把纸钉在十字架上。
我一边钉，一边想起耶稣为我做的每一件事。虽然有很多孤独的夜晚，我一切的烦恼让我喘不过气来，可是耶稣一直都陪着我。耶稣一定非常有耐心，因为我总是让耶稣失望。 回想起来，有好多时候，我会埋怨耶稣不听我的祷告，我会生气为什么耶稣不给我我说要的。。。却忘了，耶稣应许过，他赐给我们的都是最好的，他无所不在，他爱我。。。
看着那被钉满小字条的十字架，想着，耶稣不止受鞭伤，受刑罚，为我们成了赎罪祭，也为我们这些无数的烦恼，被钉死在十架。耶稣作的一切，莫过于让我们得平安，得医治。虽然眼前即将要来的狂风暴雨会让我害怕，可是，在这个时刻，我心只有我的主，耶稣，我唯一的爱。耶稣已为我战胜了最恐怖的死亡，接下来的苦难有耶稣陪我一起度过，是不会难倒我的。
何等牺牲的爱。
昨天去了教会后，我们几个去了旁边一个小教堂。里面有个很大的十字架，旁边有个桌子，上面有几张纸和笔。 那里挂着一个便条，上面写着，耶稣把你的负担钉在十字架上了。我拿起笔，把我这一生的负担都写在纸上。 过后，我就把纸钉在十字架上。
我一边钉，一边想起耶稣为我做的每一件事。虽然有很多孤独的夜晚，我一切的烦恼让我喘不过气来，可是耶稣一直都陪着我。耶稣一定非常有耐心，因为我总是让耶稣失望。 回想起来，有好多时候，我会埋怨耶稣不听我的祷告，我会生气为什么耶稣不给我我说要的。。。却忘了，耶稣应许过，他赐给我们的都是最好的，他无所不在，他爱我。。。
看着那被钉满小字条的十字架，想着，耶稣不止受鞭伤，受刑罚，为我们成了赎罪祭，也为我们这些无数的烦恼，被钉死在十架。耶稣作的一切，莫过于让我们得平安，得医治。虽然眼前即将要来的狂风暴雨会让我害怕，可是，在这个时刻，我心只有我的主，耶稣，我唯一的爱。耶稣已为我战胜了最恐怖的死亡，接下来的苦难有耶稣陪我一起度过，是不会难倒我的。
何等牺牲的爱。
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Worship
From the culture I came from, people worship different kinds of gods. Thus, it is very important that I know, what kind of God that I am worshiping, and the reasons I worship Him. Sadly, sometime during worship, I realized that a lot of people in my church just do not seem to be excited or "genuinely" worshiping God, or sometime, even myself. It seems like we were singing out of the words shown in the slides and our minds are in different states, maybe thinking of the work that were not finish the past week or troubles at home that need to be settled.
True worship reminds me of a young boy I met in my church Sunday school when I served as a teacher. Whenever he sang in church, his eyes are shining so bright and he always has this really beautiful smile on his face. After services, he will always turn to the other children beside him and say: "I love Jesus!" He is always so pumped up for church and even in groups, he always ask questions about the Bible story which we talked about that day and when he figured out the story, he will help his friends to understand it and then praise God together. Whenever is time to go home, he will always hold my hand and tell me that Jesus loves me too, and he will be a good boy for Jesus in home and in school.
This young boy reminded me of true worship because he knows exactly who his Savior is, and because of His mercy and grace, he wants to walk in the light and give praise to Jesus every day. Thus, whenever I think of worship, I think of praising God on how awesome He is, who loves me so much and willing to die for my sins. For me, true worships come from the bottom of the heart. Writing a poet to tell God how wonderful He is, is a kind of worship. Dance when we are filled with the joy from God is a kind of worship. Sing to praise how great is our God is a kind of worship. And for me, my kind of worship is playing music on my piano to tell Jesus that He is beautiful.
"For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen." Romans 11:36
True worship reminds me of a young boy I met in my church Sunday school when I served as a teacher. Whenever he sang in church, his eyes are shining so bright and he always has this really beautiful smile on his face. After services, he will always turn to the other children beside him and say: "I love Jesus!" He is always so pumped up for church and even in groups, he always ask questions about the Bible story which we talked about that day and when he figured out the story, he will help his friends to understand it and then praise God together. Whenever is time to go home, he will always hold my hand and tell me that Jesus loves me too, and he will be a good boy for Jesus in home and in school.
This young boy reminded me of true worship because he knows exactly who his Savior is, and because of His mercy and grace, he wants to walk in the light and give praise to Jesus every day. Thus, whenever I think of worship, I think of praising God on how awesome He is, who loves me so much and willing to die for my sins. For me, true worships come from the bottom of the heart. Writing a poet to tell God how wonderful He is, is a kind of worship. Dance when we are filled with the joy from God is a kind of worship. Sing to praise how great is our God is a kind of worship. And for me, my kind of worship is playing music on my piano to tell Jesus that He is beautiful.
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